10 essential tips for surviving postpartum

Welcome to the joyous world of postpartum, a place filled with diapers, tears, spit-up, and where nights often resemble an endless episode of The Walking Dead . 

But don't panic, new parents! Keep in mind that "everything passes" (silly phrase, but...) A comforting feeling passed down among survivors since time immemorial, repeated endlessly, almost like a mystical incantation in case of an imminent meltdown. And in the meantime, here are ten tips from a mom to help you navigate the battlefield of parenthood—whether whistling, crying, singing, or yelling—where your only superpower is the unconditional love you have for your little one. Your second superpower being breastfeeding , of course . 

• Wear the kangaroo pouch : we're starting with the best, of course. After giving birth, forget sexy lingerie and tight-fitting clothes. The kangaroo pouch will be your new best friend. It's huge and a real visual assault, but it's comfortable, and it's clearly the only one that understands what your body is going through. 
• Sleep anytime, anywhere : yes, sleep deprivation is torture, yes it drives you crazy, and yes, your child most likely knows it and is testing you. They may have even made a pact with the cat to annihilate you and rule the world, mwahaha (to be read with a demonic Disney character laugh)! Okay, we're getting carried away, probably due to the effects of sleep deprivation. So, napping is going to become your new favorite pastime. At the slightest opportunity, close your eyes… Oh, sorry, Mother-in-law, what were you saying?
• Join the 5-a-day club : if you're breastfeeding, you're now officially an all-you-can-eat buffet. Did you think you were eating for two during pregnancy? That was just a warm-up. Trust your body and listen to your needs; breastfeeding is the best adventure ever, but it requires fuel. Without quality fuel, nobody gets anywhere! And a small but important aside: to make breastfeeding easier anytime, anywhere, choose a wardrobe from Milk Away, the only stylish brand with truly invisible and perfectly placed zippers. 
• Put on your headphones : a crying baby at 3 a.m. is as inevitable as a dog shedding. But remember, crying is your newborn's only means of communication, not a personal attack. Can you imagine being stuck in a  tiny body, uncomfortable and not yet super efficient with no vocabulary  available to explain your basic needs. Frankly, just thinking about it makes us want to cry too. So, to avoid bleeding eardrums, we treat ourselves to a good pair of noise-canceling headphones to limit the decibels and transform a sleepless night into a night… with a little less insomnia.
• Wear sunglasses : clocks are now purely decorative. You're now on "baby time," a mysterious time zone where days and nights are interchangeable. The purpose of sunglasses isn't style, but rather to avoid scaring your loved ones with your new roommates—namely, your abysmal dark circles. Besides, they give the illusion that you're constantly on vacation, even if your only destination is the sofa, or the bed, or the rocking chair.
• Embrace the "mummy bun" : a messy bun is the ideal postpartum hairstyle. It says, "I haven't slept, I haven't showered, but at least my hair isn't covered in carrot puree. And that's already a victory!" In short, it says, "Leave me alone," without even needing to be verbally unpleasant. 
• Get yourself a giant bib : baby spit-up and vomiting are unpredictable and frequent, judging by the countless videos circulating online. In short, get prepared (with plenty of nursing clothes) and, most importantly, do a load of laundry before your adorable little one arrives.
• Put on your armor : or sign up for self-defense classes to learn how to fend off enemies. Be prepared, the hurtful comments and unsolicited advice will come thick and fast. In fact, any sentence that starts with "Yes, BUT you know, back in my day…" will most likely test your nerves. Smile, say no thanks, and walk away without remorse. 
• Dancing the waltz of hormones : one minute you're laughing, the next you're crying over a toilet paper commercial. It's normal, it'll pass, they tell you, you're on a hormonal rollercoaster. There's nothing to do except warn everyone around you that you're always right and that they mustn't contradict you under any circumstances. Not one. And if, by some incredible stroke of luck, it turns out you were wrong after all, well, no need to dwell on it. 
• Laugh at everything : Yes, even when you find a dirty diaper left in the fridge. Your baby is crying enough for two, so there's no need to add to it. So choose the funniest option!

Surviving postpartum can be a challenge, but with a sense of humor and lots of love for this little being who has just joined your life, you are ready for this great adventure!

Good luck to you, dear Super-Womum!

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Photo credit: Unsplash - Barbara Verge